Weighed and Found Wanting

The World English Dictionary defines "diagnosis" as a "thorough analysis of facts or problems in order to gain understanding and aid future planning."  Without a correct diagnosis, there can be no understanding as to how best to treat a disease.  Without an adequate understanding, there can be little or no progress forward.

Recently I have been diagnosed with sarcoidosis and sleep apnea.  Now that a diagnosis has been reached through extensive laboratory testing and analysis, I can move forward to a more functional life as proper treatments are administered with God's blessing.

However, this morning I woke not with a physical diagnosis, but with a crucial diagnosis of my heart. I "have been weighed in the scales and found wanting." (Daniel 5:27)
So often I start my morning with "God, please help me through this day."  So often I pray that God will satisfy my needs.  I focus on my comfort.  I want the time to be filled with my agenda.  I even want the day to be filled with my praise as I seek for approval or affirmation from others.

No, I don't have idols of gold and silver clutched in my hands like Belshazzar did in Daniel 5, but I certainly have stinking idols of selfishness in my heart.  Like him, I do "not honor the God who holds in His hand my life and all my ways." (Daniel 5:23)  I fear my life is about me, me, me...

As I search my heart further, I can see how it's my selfishness also that is road-blocking my writing.  Often I am afraid to publish what I write.  Why?  I fear I will say the wrong thing and hurt someone.  Now I really do hate to hurt anyone's feelings and I hate confrontation, but is that really what is deflating my tires, or is it that I'm afraid someone will turn against me if I speak the truth?  Me again...

This diagnosis I received this morning is far more difficult to accept than physical diagnoses, but now I ask myself: What will I do with it?  I can say I wept before God this morning and again asked His forgiveness, but that sounds like me again.  So I will just say God is faithful and forgiving.  He stands firm no matter how much we fail.  In Jesus and His totally unselfish sacrifice, my selfishness can be washed away again and again.  The 100% pure and sure treatment for a correct diagnosis.

In Jesus, I can move forward.  Because of JESUS and HIS LOVE, my wake-up prayer can become, "God, please let YOUR NAME be glorified today. Not my will and way, but YOURS. Not my praise, but YOURS forever!"

Read Daniel 5.

Dig into your heart.  What idols are hidden there?

How has God shown you His complete forgiveness in and through the blood of Jesus?

Troubles Make Us Stronger

"We've been through a lot together, haven't we, Mom?" a young boy said as he was dying from cancer after losing his father. "But we have grown stronger because of it though."  (Highway to Heaven TV program)

Isn't that true for each of us here on earth?  How would we ever grow in knowledge and strength without troubles? 

While we languish in a valley of darkness, we can't see clearly.  But eventually we come to see the light and wisdom of struggling through it.  We become stronger, don't we?

If God chooses to keep us in the same tough situation, whether it's physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual, He has a special plan for us.

God has not chosen to give me complete physical health yet.  The final diagnosis is sarcoidosis, an auto-immune inflammatory disease that primarily affects the lungs but can affect other organs also.  I also need to get a sleep study done to test for sleep apnea since my oxygen sats want to plunge too often when I'm sleeping.

God has a reason for it all.  I just need to take a day a time and be thankful for every step in the direction of a better quality of life.  Yes, I'm human, and my inner self pouts like a spoiled child that didn't get her way.  I wanted complete healing here and now, but God is still good!  I have so many undeserved blessings.

Not one of us is exempt from trouble on this earth, and many of us have undergone deep and heavy trials, sometimes one after another.  However, no matter how many we go through or how long each one lasts, God remains faithful and we will grow stronger.

What dark valleys have you gone through?

How have they made you stronger?



In Sickness and in Health, God Will Never Leave Us

"God, You can heal me.  You have the power.  I will keep praying for Your healing and pleading upon Your power."  This has been my prayer, especially in the past couple of years.  I know He will heal me someday, but I think I still assume it will be when I leave this life to be with Him forever.  So do I really believe His power?  Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!

It's a good thing God's power does not rest upon my faith.  God is showing me His power lately, regardless of my lack of faith.  You can read more about the results of a second opinion on my health condition here.

My life has taken a dramatic turn and I must begin from an entirely different perspective.  I am still struggling with the same symptoms, but I trust God will give the physicians wisdom to find the solution. My blood tested positive for CMV infection, so now I will be returning to Kansas City for more extensive testing of my immune system, etc.

I don't know what the future will hold, but I know God has all power in His hands.  He can and will heal, but it will be in His time and way.  Whether or not He heals me sooner or later, He has given me this promise: "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jer. 29:11

So often in my life I have forgotten this promise, but thank God, He never forgets.  He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.  Whether in sickness or in health, He will never leave me or forsake me.  No matter what happens in my life, He will turn it to His glory and my welfare.

Why does God choose to physically heal some and not others?

What lessons have you learned through sickness?  Through healing?