Conquering Self-Doubt and Fear

Self-doubt. The story of my life. I come from a childhood jam-packed with feeling I don't measure up and a legalistic church system where I was not valued as a special person created by God with gifts to offer others.

Growing into my teens, I was super-insecure and felt like no one understood me. As a young adult, depressed and vulnerable and not knowing where else to turn, I went to a minister for counsel. I fell headlong into a trap where I was stripped of my very being and self-worth through spiritual, emotional, and sexual abuse.

Though God has graciously healed me in many ways, those ugly, old feelings of worthlessness can still cling like a leech, sucking out the motivation, the creativity, and the gift of writing God gives me.

Years roll on as I bottle up my ideas inside of me. God has given me so many experiences to share - lessons I learned that would make a difference in other people's lives. And yet I hesitate. Why? What am I really afraid of?

I'm not sure, but I do know I need to step out of my comfort zone and expand my writing horizons. I am planning to go to my first writer's conference this week. While I'm so excited to learn and discover, I'm so nervous - the pacing in a cage type of nervous. Maybe it's because I always feel judged in crowds of people. I don't know. I just know something is triggering this fear inside of me.

Last night I cried, "O God, I feel so afraid." Then I read Isaiah 54, one of my favorite chapters, and verse 4 especially comforted me: "Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated."

I need confidence. God confidence. Trusting Him with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength. I need to bask in the steadfast sunshine of Jesus' love and claim the everlasting promises He has given and will faithfully fulfill even for me.

Yesterday my little grand-daughter showed me what she made in Sunday school. Held with yarn around her neck, a paper badge said, "I will be brave." Yes, I will be brave. I will take courage in Christ Jesus, because in Him I can do all things. In Him I can conquer a troop, leap over a wall, and level a mountain.

Yes, I will pluck up courage and face the unknown, believing God will be with me. I will tune out what past pain says of my worth, and I will tune into what Jesus says. In Him I am good enough. In Him I am special and precious!

When do you most doubt yourself and the gifts God has given you?

Which of God's promises gives you courage to press on?

Trick-or-Treat

Though it can be interesting to discover historical traditions, I cringe at the haunting, gory, or violent perceptions that have been given to Halloween over the course of history. I don't advocate these things on October 31 or any other day, but I do love handing out candy to children.

As our children grew up, we attended a church that held Reformation Day services and forbade anything to do with Halloween. Since at that time we feared what "the church" said, we religiously followed their dos and don'ts.

While I do believe Reformation Day is a notable day in church history, I don't feel like preaching at kids to tell them they shouldn't go trick-or-treating or have anything to do with Halloween. Perhaps I have backed off because of the legalistic background I came from and have learned how it can hurt people.

Honestly, I think the majority of kids don't even know the history of Halloween and merely love the fun of using their imaginations to dress up and get candy. For this reason, today I will appreciate each child's unique creativity and fill their candy bags.

I highly recommend this children's book:



The Pumpkin Patch Parable

by Liz Curtis Higgs

There are many conflicting opinions among Christians about Halloween.

Do you allow your children to trick-or-treat?

If not, what healthy alternatives do you use?

Not an Insignificant Statistic in God's Eyes

Earth is but a tiny speck in the solar system, only 1 millionth the size of the sun.  Consider that tiny speck holding 6,970,506,689 people (World Population Clock). Can you imagine what size each of us is in comparison to such a vast universe?

In such magnitude, not one of us can be visible to the human eye. Yet to God, each one of us is not only visible but watched over. Not a single thought or feeling of our hearts escapes His attention.

Nearly 7 billion people in this world, and yet God knows each and every one. He knows the life being conceived at this very second, the baby being born, etc. He keeps track of every life and death and yet He does not grow weary. "Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and His understanding no one can fathom." Isaiah 40:28

Perhaps you have several children and/or grandchildren. You want each to feel loved and cared about. You try to give each one your undivided attention, but don't you sometimes feel weary and oh, so human?

If we think we can be everywhere, meet every child's need, and take care of every situation, we will grow more ragged by the hour, or even by the minute. We will only dig ourselves into desperation.

But wait! Have we forgotten the Almighty God Who has created the immeasurable universe? The all-knowing, everywhere-present God Who watches over all? He knows each of us by name, and He doesn't want us to be self-sufficient and independent. He wants us to lay all our cares at His feet and trust His immeasurable power and love.

In fact, out of nearly 7 billion people, He loves each one of us as if you are or I am the only person on earth. We may be merely statistics to a census bureau, but our Creator counts each one of us worthy of His consideration 24-7.

"How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you."

Psalm 139: 17-18

P.S. Did you know that while I was writing this, the world's population grew by 6,257 more people and probably even more while I write this sentence? Think how many more lives God has to keep track of, and yet He has no problem whatsoever. I can't even begin to fathom the greatness of our God, can you?

What situation in life made you feel insignificant?

 During what situation did God show you how important you are to Him?