The dictionary defines "funk" as "a dejected mood," but it also can be "cowering fear; a state of great fright or terror."
Could it be that I get into a dejected mood because of fear? I'm sure I do. So what am I afraid of? Afraid of offending or hurting someone if I speak the Truth. Afraid that when I speak the Truth, I might not be loving enough.
The ideas are there, buzzing around in my head, waiting to be released. Then fear takes over. Someone else can write it better than I can. I might not say it right. Perhaps someone will read it differently than I mean it. And the battle rages on.
The battles are the heaviest when I feel God calls me to write more about how He has freed me from the chains of legalism and abuse. But in order to do that, I have to dig into the darkness of the past. I don't like that vulnerable feeling. And sometimes I'm just too tired or too overwhelmed to go there.
Like Jonah, I fall asleep in the midst of the storm and refuse to listen to God's voice. So the reality is I am in a funk because I don't want to write what God wants me to write. I am letting Satan tug on my vulnerable spots of insecurity. I am refusing to allow God's light to lighten up the darkness and obliterate Satan's lies. I am stubbornly refusing my precious Savior Who says I can do all things through Him because His grace is sufficient.
As I talk myself through another funk, I picture Jesus with tears rolling down His face as He looks at me. My child, don't you believe that MY LIGHT is greater than all the darkness? Don't you trust Me to give you the strength equal to the call?
I must be the most thankless child in the world. I want to serve Jesus. I want to publish His glorious deeds. Jesus, shine Your glorious and redeeming light into my heart and life. Please dissipate the darkness and give me the courage necessary to go on in Your Name!
What do you believe God wants you to do, say, or write?
Is fear bogging you down?
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