Funk is Fear

Sometimes when the writing just won't come, I say "I'm in a funk."  I just don't feel like writing.  I keep procrastinating. 

The dictionary defines "funk" as "a dejected mood," but it also can be "cowering fear; a state of great fright or terror."

Could it be that I get into a dejected mood because of fear?  I'm sure I do.  So what am I afraid of?  Afraid of offending or hurting someone if I speak the Truth.  Afraid that when I speak the Truth, I might not be loving enough. 

The ideas are there, buzzing around in my head, waiting to be released.  Then fear takes over. Someone else can write it better than I can.  I might not say it right.  Perhaps someone will read it differently than I mean it.  And the battle rages on.

The battles are the heaviest when I feel God calls me to write more about how He has freed me from the chains of legalism and abuse.  But in order to do that, I have to dig into the darkness of the past.  I don't like that vulnerable feeling. And sometimes I'm just too tired or too overwhelmed to go there. 

Like Jonah, I fall asleep in the midst of the storm and refuse to listen to God's voice.  So the reality is I am in a funk because I don't want to write what God wants me to write.  I am letting Satan tug on my vulnerable spots of insecurity.  I am refusing to allow God's light to lighten up the darkness and obliterate Satan's lies.  I am stubbornly refusing my precious Savior Who says I can do all things through Him because His grace is sufficient.

As I talk myself through another funk, I picture Jesus with tears rolling down His face as He looks at me.  My child, don't you believe that MY LIGHT is greater than all the darkness?  Don't you trust Me to give you the strength equal to the call? 

I must be the most thankless child in the world.  I want to serve Jesus.  I want to publish His glorious deeds.  Jesus, shine Your glorious and redeeming light into my heart and life.  Please dissipate the darkness and give me the courage necessary to go on in Your Name!

What do you believe God wants you to do, say, or write?

Is fear bogging you down?

Hang On!

Do you see this woman desperately hanging on?  Fingers slipping... Body so weary and worn... What invisible force gives her the strength to cling on?

There are times we may feel like we can't hang on anymore in life's storms.  We may think:  Nobody can be going through what I'm going through...  Nobody can be feeling the way I do...  My pain is so deep!  No one cares.  No one understands.

I have learned there is ONE Who does know every single thing we go through - every hurt, every tear, every black despair that envelops us.  Jesus feels our pain and cries with us.  He has suffered more than all of us put together.  Yes, He cares.  Yes, He understands.  Yes, He deeply empathizes with us.

God has brought me through a dysfunctional childhood and sexual, spiritual, and emotional abuse from a minister.  Jesus washes my wounds again and again.  He gives me the strength to hang onto Him as my only HOPE.  Layer by layer He heals me, and one day I will be perfectly healed when He takes me to Himself where there is no more sin or suffering.

I also struggle with a chronic lung disease - chronic bronchitis, asthma, and bronchiectasis. It can be so overwhelming at times, and I get so weary, but I will hang onto my only HOPE, my Jesus Who has a reason for this, too.

Am I always upbeat and positive?  No, there are days when my body and soul are battered by life's storms and I don't think I can cling on any longer.  But through Jesus, my HOPE, there are some days where I do more than survive.  I can dance victoriously, thankful for all the many blessings I have.  And someday I will be a victory dancer forever with Jesus!

"Jesus, give us strength day by day to hang on to YOU! When we are weary, please carry us. When we are hurting, please hug us to Yourself and comfort us. We need you, Jesus! Without YOU, we will perish in the storms of life. Thank You, Jesus, for Your undying empathy and Your unfailing love!"

During what time in your life did you feel you couldn't hang on any longer? 

What gave you hope?

Struggles Teach Us to Fly

No one is without struggles in this life, and sometimes it can get so wearisome that we wish we could just find an easy way out.  But easy isn't better.

I struggle with chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, and I often get bronchial infections.  Last week it was to the point that I ended up in the ER with a breathing treatment and IV fluids and meds.  I had picked up a stomach and a bronchial virus.  I felt so sick I asked Jesus to take me.  I was so weary of coughing and chest aches and pains.

One morning I read a devotion from Streams in the Desert.  A man observe an emperor moth emerge from its funnel-shaped cocoon.  As the moth struggled to squeeze through the small opening, the man felt sorry for it and thought he'd make it easier for the moth.  With a scissors he clipped the sides of the opening allowing the moth to slip out more easily.  The moth walked around with a big body and shriveled up wings, was never able to fly, and eventually died.

For that poor moth, easier was not better.  The tight squeeze pressures the fluid into a moth's wings.  Without that struggle, the moth will never have the privilege of flying.

What an encouraging analogy from God's creation!  The struggles in our lives are just tight squeezes that will prepare our wings.  The greater the struggle, the greater the energy in our wings to fly for Jesus. 

Jesus, there are so many in this world who struggle.  You know the plights of each and every person.  You know their weariness.  Strengthen each and every one with the energy juice of Your love so they can better fly for You and Your honor in this life.  All things are possible through You!  Thank You, Jesus, for your indescribable suffering in our place.

The Healing Sun of Righteousness

As I gaze through my office windows, I complain in my heart at the freezing rain drizzling down with snow soon to follow.  I cringe at the thought of icy roads and cars skidding.  So many people trying to get to their destinations for Thanksgiving Day.  My husband, too, is trying to get home, and my muscles are as tight as a rubberband stretched to its limits.

I am reminded of a day almost twenty-six years ago when I stood in the kitchen of my soon-to-be husband.  The weather was just like this as my fiance drove to pick up his parents. 

I trembled with fear as I stood at the kitchen counter.  Something will happen, won't it?  It's too good to be true that I will marry the man I long prayed for.  God must be showing that He doesn't approve. 

Then I pleaded with God and prayed that the Sun of righteousness would arise with healing in His wings, that God would bless our union, our lives, our children.  Miraculously, the sun came out and bathed me with light and warmth.  Later I learned that the same miracle awed my fiance as he drove home.

The sun soon hid again until during our marriage ceremony in our living room.  As we stood and kneeled and promised each other our love and commitment, the sun broke forth in brilliance through the bay window, shining its light on us.  Even the minister said, "God must have sent His sunshine for you."

The sun again hid after the ceremony, but the warmth of its rays still lingers in my heart.  Not only did I receive a precious husband that day, but I also gained five precious children.  And over the years, through many trials, God has remained faithful.  Again and again He sends His Son to shine in our hearts and strengthen us through each day, even when we can't always see His rays.

So today, when the weather is so grey and gloomy, I will try to focus on Jesus and His ever-warming love and healing power. 

Readers, wherever you are or whatever you are going through, I pray the love of Jesus will give you hope on Thanksgiving Day and forever.  May the Sun of righteousness fill your heart with light and peace!

As the Deer Pants for Streams of Water

Isn't this doe captivating?  I have been awed by her beauty ever since my brother sent me this photo he took of her.  When I think she might not even be alive anymore because of the hunting season, my heart breaks.

I can just imagine her run and leap as she flees from the hunters.  Her sides heave and her nostrils quiver.  Her open mouth pants with thirst.  Will her enemy ever stop seeking her?  Where can she get a drink to revive her?

I know it's silly, but I can't help but cringe for the deer out there.  Someone once asked me, "Are you a vegetarian?"  Well, no, but still...

"You eat meat, don't you?" he asked. Yes, but somehow eating hamburger or chicken seems different. 

I try to reason with myself that not every hunter is out for the sport of killing these beautiful creatures.  Many do use the meat.  My son even assures me that he aims for immediate death so the deer won't suffer.

It is true that deer do overpopulate some areas, and there is not enough plant growth for all of them during harsh winters.  Starvation is a slow, painful death.  I will also admit they do become a hazard to drivers, and there is no way I would choose a deer's life over a human life. 

So I go back and forth in my mind.  I feel like such a hypocrite, because I have tried eating deer meat.  It's not my favorite, but I do find little pieces of it wrapped in bacon and grilled are tasty. 

But still, something cringes in my heart every time I hear another deer is down.  Even when I see one along the roadside, I can't help but say, "Poor deer." 

Perhaps I feel such a connection with deer because I envy their state of being wild and free, just out there doing what God intended for them.  Or maybe it's because I can identify with Psalm 42, "As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for You, O God."

Sometimes spiritually and emotionally, enemies from the past relentlessly pursue us, and we become so weary that we can't go on anymore.  We become lost and can't find the fountain that will quench our thirst and revive our souls for this journey on earth. 

Dear reader, is this you?  Please come.  Come to the bottomless Fountain of hope!

Lord, Save Me!

Matthew 14

One of my favorite Bible passages is when Jesus walked on water to the disciples in the boat and Peter said, "Lord, if it's You, tell me to come to You on the water." 

Jesus said, "Come."  Peter did walk on the water until he lost sight of Jesus.  When he looked around and saw the boisterous waves swirling around him, he began to sink.

"Lord, save me!"  Peter cried as the sea threatened to swallow him and fear and desperation choked him. 

Did Jesus let him drown?  No, Jesus immediately reached out His hand and caught Peter.  Amazing love and faithfulness!

I can almost imagine the sorrow in Jesus' eyes as He said, "You of little faith, why did you doubt?"

I, too, am of such little faith.  As I look back on my life, there were so many times when wave after wave crashed over me and the undercurrent of doubt and despair sucked me under.  There were even times when I wanted to just give up.  Not even God cared, I thought.  I once was so near to swallowing a full bottle of aspirin.  Several times I was sorely tempted to drive my car off a cliff. 

It's a miracle that I didn't take my life.  Relief from my troubles and despair didn't always come immediately, but in hindsight I see how God's grace did spare me again and again.

Jesus is available 24/7 to lend a helping hand.  It was my focus that was off.  I concentrated on the storm raging within me instead of looking to Jesus and His power to save.

Reader, if you are in despair for some reason or another, take heart.  There is nothing too impossible for God.  I pray that Jesus will again and again open our eyes to His hand reaching out and our ears to His invitation, "Come to Me, my precious child.  I will be with you no matter how dark the valley.  I will never leave you or forsake you."

Give Me a Love for Humanity

"Give Me Your Eyes," a song by Brandon Heath, has been playing in my mind much of the day.  I've listened to this song on my favorite radio station so often, but today some of the words seeped more deeply into the longings of my heart.

The song writer writes of the confusion and chaos of people in this world, then asks himself, "Are those people going somewhere?  Why have I never cared?"

We can get so caught up in our self-centered lives that we become blind to the pain of others.  We can become so overwhelmed by our own troubles that we don't take the time to sincerely pray for the people we see around us.  How often do we realize that each and every one carries a cross, sometimes hidden from the rest of the world? 

Sometimes their crosses are revealed to us, but we still hesitate to pray for them for various reasons.  Perhaps it's someone who hasn't treated us very well in the past?  Someone who has spread rumors or believed in the slander of our person?  Someone who has abused us in some way?

Personally, I find it easier to pray for a stranger than for someone who has hurt me or someone I care about.  I confess I don't always want things to go well for certain people, and I hang my head in sadness and plead that I will become more like Jesus.

When Jesus was suffering excruciating pain on the cross to save us from death and agony, He still looked around Him and cared, even for those who were driving in the nails and taunting Him.  For those who stripped Him of His dignity.  For those who hated Him with a passion.  He still cried, "Father, forgive them..."

Our sins just as surely crucified Jesus as the hands who physically drove in those nails.  We have just as much a part in abusing Jesus as anyone, in disgracing Him to the lowest of the lowest.  And yet He still looks right at us and prays for us.

Oh, to have a heart of love like Jesus!  The words repeated in the chorus of Brandon Heath's song ripple the deep longings of my innermost being:
"Give me Your eyes for just one second
Give me Your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me Your love for humanity
Give me Your arms for the broken hearted..."

*******

Music can often touch us in a personal way.  Reader, do you have a song that has deeply touched you?  Will you share it with us?

Uninterrupted Connection

Twice I was going to post here yesterday.  No connection.  I went through the diagnosis to find the problem.  I suddenly connected again, but by then I lost my muse or was sidelined by some other project that didn't require a computer.  This morning I went through the same thing.  I still don't know if the problem is on my end or the service provider's end, but it seems to be going fine now.

This causes me to reflect upon the amazing connection God gives us.  He is always here for us no matter what.  He does not depend on anything or anyone else to keep His connection going, because He has all things in His Almighty hands. 

Jesus laid down His life to give us a lifeline to God.  No interruptions.  No busy signals.  No matter how heavy the storms that destroy everything in their wake, our connection to God will never, never fail.  Amazing grace!

The connection on God's side is always open 24/7.  It is from our side that the lines get disconnected.  We can be so unsteady, so untrusting, but God remains faithful and unswerving.

Thank You, Jesus, for giving us an uninterrupted, open lifeline of communication!  We may not always get the answers we want or when we want, but thank You for always being available 24/7!

Love Does Not Come Through DNA

Why is it that so often weight is placed on more love coming through blood relations than in adoption, whether legally or informally? 

Love does not come from DNA.  Love comes from a much deeper source.  Yes, love comes through blood, but certainly not ours.  Jesus sacrificed His blood for us because He loves us so much.  His blood is the eternal spring out of which love flows.  Without it there would be no love at all in this world.

There are couples who show more genuine love towards their adopted children than couples who abuse and neglect the children who have their own DNA or blood.  Each child, whether by birth or adoption or through marriage, is a miracle from God Himself and is worthy of our love.  If our hearts are filled with the blood of Jesus, we will love our children.

I have heard of adoptive parents, myself included, who have been approached with - Too bad you never had any children of your own.  It always cut me to the core of my heart.  Unless I instinctively drew within myself like a wounded puppy, I would answer, "I do have children of my own, five of them!"

When I married a widower with five children, God richly blessed me with children of my own.  I was fearful that if something happened to my husband, the law would take them away from me, so I legally adopted them.  But even if I hadn't adopted them and had remained a "step-parent," my love would run deep for my children, contrary to the stereotype found in the story of Cinderella.

A parent not loving their child comes through the parent's sin, not whether the parent is a "blood-parent," an adoptive parent, or a step-parent.

You see, love for a child does not come through DNA.  It comes through the blessed blood of Jesus!  And I know God has given me a mother's and grandmother's love so deep that I would gladly relieve my children and grandchildren of all their hurts by taking them onto myself and I would count it an honor to die for them.

Reader, how about you?  Will you share your story?