Conquering Self-Doubt and Fear

Self-doubt. The story of my life. I come from a childhood jam-packed with feeling I don't measure up and a legalistic church system where I was not valued as a special person created by God with gifts to offer others.

Growing into my teens, I was super-insecure and felt like no one understood me. As a young adult, depressed and vulnerable and not knowing where else to turn, I went to a minister for counsel. I fell headlong into a trap where I was stripped of my very being and self-worth through spiritual, emotional, and sexual abuse.

Though God has graciously healed me in many ways, those ugly, old feelings of worthlessness can still cling like a leech, sucking out the motivation, the creativity, and the gift of writing God gives me.

Years roll on as I bottle up my ideas inside of me. God has given me so many experiences to share - lessons I learned that would make a difference in other people's lives. And yet I hesitate. Why? What am I really afraid of?

I'm not sure, but I do know I need to step out of my comfort zone and expand my writing horizons. I am planning to go to my first writer's conference this week. While I'm so excited to learn and discover, I'm so nervous - the pacing in a cage type of nervous. Maybe it's because I always feel judged in crowds of people. I don't know. I just know something is triggering this fear inside of me.

Last night I cried, "O God, I feel so afraid." Then I read Isaiah 54, one of my favorite chapters, and verse 4 especially comforted me: "Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated."

I need confidence. God confidence. Trusting Him with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength. I need to bask in the steadfast sunshine of Jesus' love and claim the everlasting promises He has given and will faithfully fulfill even for me.

Yesterday my little grand-daughter showed me what she made in Sunday school. Held with yarn around her neck, a paper badge said, "I will be brave." Yes, I will be brave. I will take courage in Christ Jesus, because in Him I can do all things. In Him I can conquer a troop, leap over a wall, and level a mountain.

Yes, I will pluck up courage and face the unknown, believing God will be with me. I will tune out what past pain says of my worth, and I will tune into what Jesus says. In Him I am good enough. In Him I am special and precious!

When do you most doubt yourself and the gifts God has given you?

Which of God's promises gives you courage to press on?

A Confident Heart

I'm excited to tell you I decided to join an online Bible Study by Melissa Taylor from Proverbs 31 Ministries. We are working on building God-confidence in our lives. This week we read Chapter 1 of Renee Swope's A Confident Heart: How to Stop Doubting Yourself and Live in the Security of God’s Promises and answered her discussion questions at the end of the chapter.

Already I have gleaned so much. Some points Renee discusses in Chapter 1 that especially sparked my reflection are:

• "In the shadow of doubt, insecurity paralyzes us..." So true in my life. I have allowed it to stilt my creativity. I disposed of many dreams and passions because of my lack of confidence.
• "He's led me beyond believing in Him to really believing Him by relying on the power of His words and living like they are true no matter what my feelings tell me." I have struggled with this lately. I believe in God, but do I really believe He has the power? Or do I believe more in my feelings and what internal negative voices tell me? Oh, to have the trust of a child! To fall with abandon into my Father's arms knowing He has the power to catch me and hold me up!
• "Praying God's Word has been one of the most life-changing ways I've learned to live in the security of His promises." This is something I need to practice more.

If you struggle with insecurity, I encourage you to at least read the book. Even if you haven't joined the study, I'm sure you can read the comments or even comment yourself since this is at Melissa's blog and also on Facebook. There are so many women who are suffering in their lives and have taken the risk to share their hearts. You are not alone!

What dreams or passions have you not pursued because of insecurity?

What has confidence in God enabled you to do?